Expecting too much?

it is our semester break now which would continue on for 3weeks or more...depending on his results & also mine... weeks might ended up in months...
well, it had been less than a week my bf went back to his hometown...
i missed him dearly...
well, it started working part time at a book store in his hometown...
so he tend to be quite tired...
he has to wake up at 7am every morning...
so today i juz wanted a nice chat with him & also to hear his voice...
however while i was on the phone with him...
he fell asleep...
i was so disappointed with him...that i cant sleep & came online
i just wanted some nice chat with him & he wishing me "Good Night"
then both of us can go to bed...
haiz...maybe i am asking too much...
sigh...
if he wanted to sleep might at well not give me hope that i will have a nice chat with him...
sigh...
tired....

Is he worth it? Maybe is should be happy with wat i have...

currently i am in a relationship with this guy...
I know he love me very very much & i too love him very very much...
well, i never did love anyone this much before...
Perhaps, i have second thoughts...
well, i juz dunno...
is it because of loneliness for being away from my bf that i began to think of my ex?
I have no idea why i broke up with my ex in the 1st place a few years back...
however, i think he never got over me or maybe wanting to take responsibility of wat he had done to me...
after we broke up...
he tried to approach me a few times but i reject him...till i believe that he never existed in my life.. he was dating one of my friends...but i am not sure about that...
but i think it is true coz my girl friend received a bouquet of roses from him which i never did...
i had some false hope but after wat happened i tried to lie to myself saying that he is a jerk or whatever...
even though in school we were in the same class, same duty area, same group i never spoken a word to him...never...
after a year or so transfer school...dunno for wat reason...
i didnt really care...then i receive some weird sms from dunno who the sender...
asking me to take care, dun burden urself & etc...
i tried to find out who by asking my friends to investigate for me only to found out it was my ex...
but i juz ignore him & continue with my life...
earlier this year, i found my ex again which is in facebook & i refuse to add him...
however, the weird thing is he added me...
i was considering whether i should add him or not...
i even talk to my bf about it...
after some time i added him...since there is no harm at all...
however, we never talk nor post anything in each other profile...
maybe because i am already taken & he is not...

until today...

he posted "you must take care" in the chat box
& i replied "thank you
I never knew u care"

wat happening to me? do i still have feelings for this guy who dumped me?
is this cause of the loneliness i felt?
or maybe i think i should stay on with my bf now who is sweet & loving...
who call me every single day & buy me gifts...love me for who i am & had been there for me when i cried, angry, depressed & happy...
always try to make me smile...

i think the answer is obvious...
i shouldnt have second thoughts...

A dream...

Today, i had a dream...
to say it was not so scary...
but it was terrible to me...
i am so afraid...
well so people believe that dream is a sign...
but i dunno...
i can juz hope that it will not come true...
i am so scare...so afraid...
*sniff sniff...
feel like crying...
but who is there to be there for me..
if it does come true then i dunno wat to do already..

i dreamt that i fail in my exam..
& got kick out from college...
i was so sad...
i got in to depression...
i lost all hope...
so sad...
i didnt feel like moving forward anymore...

i am lost...
i dunno wat to do...
i am so scare...

who can help me?
i meed advice...please...

-nightclow-

What happen to u? I miss u...the old u...

Situation 1...
Recently, my friend is really troubled... she is very sad...even the simplest thing can make her cry... why? becoz of her bf... it is all coz of that guy... he is so stupid...never to understand my friend's heart... always break her heart...

recently...
my friend & her bf have a club gathering...
& she cant attend...
so her bf went...
well, during the club gathering...
they play a game...
truth or dare...
well...since she didnt go...
so her bf told her everything...
one thing which make her so speechless is...
he said he had to change clothes with a girl...well it is a dare...
then he can ask my friend...are u ok?
Of course she was NOT ok...she was so disappointed in him...
but she juz kept quiet...
then her bf kept on going...telling her about the whole gathering...
finally, her bf asked her y? y she is so quiet?
He keep on asking her to tell him y is she so quiet...
but she juz said nothing...

You idiot... Don't u ever think of ur gf? Do u know that her tears is flowing like a river? when u telling her all this? Dont u ever think of her feelings?


Well, my friend did say open her mouth after awhile...
she was crying...but she didnt tell him...
She asked him, "What would u think or do if I said I change clothes with another guy?"
Do u know what is his answer?
He said he didnt mind...if it is a game...
my friend was like WHAT!!!
she wouldn't even dare to do it at all...if it was a game she will asked for something else...for she knows her position as she has a bf d...
she would do whatever it takes so that she will not disappoint her bf...

However, her bf never know about this...as she did not want to tell him...
she want him to figure out on his own...

But for me...my friend's bf is such an idiot...he doesnt realise how much she loves him... he only always say he loves her...but does his action shows...NO However, my friend is the opposite... she seldom say that she loves him...but i hate u...becoz of wat his bf did & also becoz of he doesnt understand her... y she do this? it is becoz for she love her bf so much... for her, love can nvr be shown through words but actions...

Her bf is so slow to figure it out...
yes, she is JEALOUS...
how could u juz simple change clothes with the opposite gender?
what would people say?
well, if u r single...it is ok...
but, u r in a relationship...
dun u ever think of ur partner feelings?

My friend here is so so sad & depress...
whenever she thinks of what had happen...tears began to form...
she wished that she can erase what she had heard...
I know that she loves her bf so much & nvr show...
but yet...her bf is so slow in figuring out her feelings...


situation 2...

In a another situation her bf brought up a thing that he is so jealous of...
well, in their group of friends...there is this guy who my friend call as big brother..
then during one lunch, they talk about transfering to another campus in Cyber...
so her big bro wanted to rent a house...
so my friend joked around saying he should find a place...for girls & guys can rent together...
so that she can rent together with him when she go cyber as she was 1 semester late...but she is not going to cyber anyway...
everyone was laughing...
but her bf sat there quietly...
he didnt even join in...
Then they went for class...she as asked her bf y?
and her bf say...u know the reason...
lol
she was so speechless...it was only some joke...
they were talking on the table with few others friends...
lol...her bf was jealous...


I dunno wat to say...
ur bf gets jealous coz of some joke...
he should juz join in with the join...
lol...
did u know that my friend was so worry about u?
dun know that she care for u?
She always remind herself that she has a bf...
she nvr even follow us to clubbing anymore...
she seldom hv fun with us anymore...
when we go out, she seldom speak with the guys alone anymore...she only speaks when the orthers join in...
Y all these happen?
all becoz she have a bf...
& her bf still nvr understands her...
how disappointed she is...when he do the things that hurt her...
however she nvr show it...
i pity my friend...We miss u a lot...the old u...
anyway, gambateh...
remember my dear friend...we r always there for u...

Welcome...snow niko is here!!!

Konichiwa minna...Hello everyone...

Welcome to Snow Niko's Blog...
Nice to meet everyone...
Juz started today...
I will try my best to make my blog as interesting as possible...
thanks for ur support & time... arigato...
I will get on to it right away...
do wait for the next post...

See ya'